FAMILY TIES Borrowing ideas from Gandhi — for renewal and reconciliation

Originally Published in the Centre Daily Times, January 31, 2009

Mahatma Gandhi is honored all over the world as a champion of truth and nonviolence, teachings that still have value today, when both fresh violence and economic crisis have gripped the world.

As the world this week marks the 61st anniversary of Gandhi’s assassination, the United States finds itself at the end of a momentous journey — from the birth of the nation in 1776 to the end of slavery, the civil rights movement and the inauguration of President Barack Obama.

Arun Gandhi, a grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, who gave the keynote talk at Penn State’s Martin Luther King Jr. celebration on Jan. 21, said he considers this historic inauguration a testament to the power of nonviolence to create change in the relatively short span of 60 years.

Many who were involved in this journey, figures such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks, were directly inspired by Mahatma Gandhi.

Gandhi’s writings showed King that the power of love could be effective not just in individual relationships but also for creating political change. With his Christian ideals as background, and the Mahatma’s techniques, King became a powerful proponent of nonviolence.

Gandhi espoused a life of simplicity and integrity and valued the use of honest means to achieve any result.

Can Gandhi’s ideals of love, sacrifice, truth and nonviolence work for the United States and the rest of the world today? Gandhi’s grandson thinks so.

Arun, who was born and raised in South Africa, hated his childhood under apartheid, where he was beaten up by blacks and whites for being the wrong color. When he began to consider fighting back as an option, his parents sent 12-year-old Arun to live with his grandfather in India to learn about nonviolence.

The lessons below, which Arun learned from his grandfather, may provide some fresh guidance as Americans deal with the economic crisis and wars abroad and reflect on President Obama’s first proclamation: Declaring Jan. 20 a “National Day of Renewal and Reconciliation” and calling upon all to serve one another and the common purpose of remaking this nation.

Understanding nonviolence
Nonviolence is an active philosophy, based on positive feelings such as respect, understanding, compassion and acceptance, Arun said. Violence is based on negative feelings such as hate, greed, jealousy and anger.
Nonviolence requires courage to stand up against injustice and accept the consequences.

Anger-Violence Connection
Arun recalls his grandfather asking him to create a genealogy tree, with violence at the head, and two branches — Active violence (killing, beating, pushing) and Passive violence (hating, name calling, stereotyping, wasting resources).
Recording his acts of violence daily on this tree made Arun realize how much passive violence he committed each day. His grandfather explained that the objects of his passive violence could resort to active violence and perpetuate a vicious cycle. He showed Arun how he could break the cycle of violence by being aware of and stopping his own acts of passive violence.

Nonviolent parenting
Arun offered an example from his youth. At 16, he had to drive his father 18 miles to Durbin for a conference and had to pick him up at 5 p.m. for the drive back home.
Arun was late because he went to see a movie. And then he got caught lying to his father about it.
His father did not shout at him. Instead, he told Arun, “There must be something wrong with the way I raised you that you did not have the confidence to tell me the truth.”
His father decided to do penance by walking the 18 miles home to figure out where he went wrong. Arun was miserable and chose to follow his father in his car as night fell. He also resolved to never lie again.
“What if I had been punished?” he asks. “I would perhaps have lied again but made sure that I did not get caught.” He believes that his father taught him a more powerful lesson with love than if punishment had been used.

Arun Gandhi’s tips for daily life
•“Keep a diary — understand your own acts of violence, including hating, putting down, stereotyping others and wasting resources.”
•“Be your own role model — imagine you are climbing a ladder, each day do a little better than yesterday.”
•“Put aside some money daily, even as little as a quarter. After a year, figure out a way to impact someone else’s life with it.”
•“Teach children at all schools to identify their anger, understand their capacity to commit active and passive violence and to break the cycle of violence.”
•“Shed labels — based on gender, religion and even on country — as patriotism too is a narrow idea and can sometimes be a cause of violence.”
•“We can think of the world as a global village, but we need to consider social and cultural globalization in all our global interactions in the global economy.”
Current work

Be the change you wish to see in this world
Arun and his late wife, Sunanda Gandhi, founded the M.K. Gandhi Institute for Nonviolence to promote the principles of nonviolence. In January 2008, he resigned from the institute after a negative reaction to a piece he penned for the Washington Post. Today, Gandhi is invited to talk about nonviolence around the world and works to help children out of poverty via education through his institution, The Gandhi Worldwide Education Institute. ( www.gandhiforchildren.org) Arun has authored several books, including his grandmother’s biography, “The Forgotten Woman: The Untold Story of Kastur Gandhi, Wife of Mahatma Gandhi.”

Gifts that only leave a Memory behind

Originally Published in Christian Science Monitor, Dec. 19, 2007

I have always been ambivalent about shopping.

And the season of “Holiday shopping” usually brings this ambivalence to the forefront.

I grew up in a middle class family in India, with parents who shopped only for things that were needed. And so, as a child, I perceived shopping as nothing more than a necessary adult chore to assist daily living.

My parents, who lived in Mumbai (Bombay), shopped for most of their non perishable groceries once a month.

“2 kilos of rice, 3 bars of soap…,” they would tell the store owner in person, or by phone, and someone would deliver the packages home, wrapped in newspaper.

On other sporadic shopping trips for incidentals, a person behind the counter would get the items my parents wanted and put them into their tote bag. My parents would pay cash, and move on to their next errand.

They did not have much opportunity for browsing or for impulse buying of unnecessary items.
Milk was delivered daily, and vegetables were bought once in two days at the nearby vegetable market.

Shopping for clothes was also based on need. My sister and I got new school uniforms every year, new clothes on birthdays and on some religious holidays, and before our long summer visit to our grandparents’ homes.

My parents bought clothes for themselves occasionally - sometimes on special holidays, but mostly to replace old, worn out clothes.

As we got older, my sister and I were sent on shopping errands – something that we initially enjoyed, reveling in our “semi-adult” status, but then got weary of, and tried to escape from.

Armed with this general apathy towards shopping, I arrived in the United States, twenty years ago, as a graduate student. Since I was here by myself, I could not delegate the chore of shopping to anyone else, and learnt to shop even for necessities in a completely different way.

Initially, shopping was an intriguing new cultural experience.

Even a trip to the grocery store required new skills of negotiating multiple brands for the simplest of items like toothpaste, checking unit prices, understanding the rhythm of sales, and searching for customer assistance.

And since I could now browse amongst the aisles, I sometimes bought things that I did not really need.

Thankfully, my busy graduate student schedule, my small income and my aptitude for a simple life, kept me from buying too many clothes or accessories. My downfall came when I found books at bargain prices, which I often bought, with the hope of finding time to read in some distant future.

While in graduate school, I met and married my husband, who also shared my love of leading a simple life, my love of books and my indifference to shopping.

Over the years, we put down roots in the US, and formed new friendships and relationships.

As our ties with people here became stronger, we began to give and receive gifts during the Holiday Season. And when our daughter was born nine years ago, we also began to experience the giving and receiving of gifts at birthday celebrations.

Gradually, the two suitcases that my husband and I had each arrived with, multiplied many times over. And about five years ago, the clutter of possessions in our home began to bother us, as we realized how much we had strayed from our ideal of the “simple” life.

During my Christmas shopping expedition that year, I had an intense reaction at the mall, as I watched people going around shopping for gifts, laden with bags, and buying even more things.
I could not shop anymore, and walked out without buying anything on my gift list. I simply could not bring myself to add clutter to other people’s homes.

My husband and I talked a lot that night about the practice of giving “things,” to symbolize love. We agreed that receiving gifts felt good, but only because they expressed that “we mattered” to someone. And giving gifts felt good, when the gift was something that the other person needed, or enjoyed.

But, what could we give people, who could buy everything they needed and wanted? What could we give, instead of objects - to show them that they mattered to us?

We reached back into our childhood for other ways of showing love, and remembered our mothers making snacks, to give to friends and family during the holidays.

We remembered our six month stay in Tokyo, where gifting food was common, and the stores were filled with elegantly packaged food items.

We adapted these two memories to create a new tradition in our family.

We decided against burdening our friends with snacks and packaged foods, which are sometimes unhealthy.

We opted instead to gift a healthy, homemade food that our friends liked, but did not make themselves. Since my husband and I are both vegetarians of Indian origin, we settled on two favorites - Vegetarian Chili and Channa Masala (a spicy chickpeas and tomato stew) – to give as gifts.

We spent a weekend, making both dishes and delivering them to a few neighbors and friends. They loved the food, and we got several requests for recipes.

We have continued this tradition ever since, adding more dishes to our gift list. We still buy gift cards or books for adults whose culinary preferences we are yet to learn. But we hope that as we get to know them better, we could make more gifts of food, as a labor of love to lessen their burden of cooking on a busy night.

Our nine year old daughter, in particular, has come to love this tradition of making and delivering food, and it has become part of her expectation of the Holiday season. This year, she has suggested that we add her new favorite food, Saag Paneer (a spicy, spinach and cheese dish), to the list of gifts.

We hope that our friends continue to enjoy our annual offering of thanks - of smells, colors, tastes and cultural experiences from faraway lands - from our home to theirs in Central Pennsylvania.

An annual offering that hopefully brings them some joy, while leaving no trace behind, other than that of a cherished memory.

What did Harish Iyer do, when the Terrorists attacked Mumbai?

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog,
Centre Daily Times, Dec 9, 2009

Harish Iyer, 29, is an ordinary citizen of Mumbai.

When the terrorists attacked Mumbai on November 26 , Harish felt particularly helpless. He is quoted in a piece in Khaleej Times as saying, "I was near the Taj Mahal hotel when the blasts went off. I couldn't do a thing as the whole place had been cordoned off. My friends, from all over the world, were calling me, asking me to find out if their relatives were safe. I had to something - so I came back home and set up http://mumbaiterrorhelpline.blogspot.com/.”

He posted his mobile number on this blog, http://mumbaiterrorhelpline.blogspot.com/, and offered his services to anyone all over the world, looking for a friend or relative, but who were unable to get to Mumbai.

And the calls came in – he helped however he could - by finding any information he could by calls to hotels, hospitals, cell phones, and even physically going to the hospitals to get more information. He then called back with the information he had found or posted it on his blog.

Harish who has since been profiled on CNN and in many newspaper articles stands out for innovatively using the web to connect us at a time of divisiveness.

Reading Harish’s blog, especially the early entries, had me reeling as I identified with that well known feeling of worrying for the safety of a loved one; I could sense the anxiety of those who were calling in or writing to him, frantic for some way of getting news of their loved ones.

Harish responded to this primal need and offered himself, and his physical proximity to the scene of the terror, to help. He found out information, visited hospitals, and then called all these strangers back with any news that he was able to find.
And sometimes, strangers called him back, to tell him not to check anymore - they had already found out that their friend had died, or that their father had survived.

Harish had become part of their family, and they a part of his.

He reached out to help, and thus become a beacon of hope, amongst all that senseless terror.

Even in the bleakest of times, this one human being had changed the little world around him. He had recognized our common humanity, and had identified with those who were frantic in their sorrow.

And that does offer us some hope for the future.

Comments: Harish Iyer(Aham) here
Submitted by aham on Wed, 2008-12-10 02:41.
Thanks for the appreciation. Cannot deny that any kind of positive energy, helps me go on.
When you rub onto so much of people's sorrows, some rubs onto you as well. Thats when an appreciation brings a smile on your face and helps you in your endeavour.
Thanks
Harish Iyer

Listening - the StoryCorps Gift Idea

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog,
Centre Daily Times, November 18, 2008

I was intrigued when I heard the concept of the National Day of Listening, on NPR.

Thanks to Google, I soon found out about StoryCorps, a nonprofit organization, that has declared November 28, 2008 the first annual National Day of Listening.

StoryCorps was founded to help Americans record their stories, thereby preserving Ourstories - not just the histories of our leaders, but the history of common people. StoryCorps booths have been set up in different geographical locations.

They are also being used to capture the specific history of groups dispersed across the country – some examples of these are of people affected by 9/11, African Americans and even those who are losing their memory to diseases like Alzheimer’s.

As I read about StoryCorps, I thought of their slogan of “Listening is the greatest gift.” Of course, each of us has a story. And that story can be discovered only when someone else takes the time to both ask questions and to listen.

To the grandparent that lived through a recession, or a war, and the one that did not do either. To the parent that had a fairy tale childhood and the one that did not. To the aunt that broke barriers and the one that did not. To the uncle that was scarred by the death of a sibling, and the one that did not live up to his potential.

Each one of us has a story, a story of being defined by the details of the particular cards that are dealt to us. And our lives are but a collection of the memories that make up our story, as we respond to these specific cards.

Our memories can also create and affect the history of the others that wander into our lives, and into whose lives we wander. They can empower them or affect them negatively – but they certainly can teach them about the lessons of possibilities, about forks in the road, about choices made, and journeys undertaken.

More importantly, though, listening to each other’s stories creates bonds, and we are no longer strangers. Both participants gain value to their lives by the act of speaking and listening with empathy. And bit by bit, like “The Little Prince,” we may begin to care, and may even understand - both the meaning of their lives and that of ours.

This National Day of Listening is a good thing. I do not plan to rent the StoryCorps kit, but I certainly like the idea of practicing more listening in my life. More active listening to my daughter and the rest of my family, my friends and my acquaintances – that would be the first step. We all seem to run around in our own little worlds, and I know that even if I have the inclination, making the time for it would be a very hard challenge.

But I plan to try, and once I do more of this, perhaps actively “listening” to strangers would also come more naturally to me – and the precarious world we live in today could certainly use more of the empathy that would come with such interactions.

A wonderful movie for all ages

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog
Centre Daily Times, July 7, 2008

I took my daughter and her friend to see the new movie, "Kit Kittredge: an American Girl," on opening day – which was Wednesday of last week.

As I was entering the theatre, two adults and a child exited from the previous show, and the woman took the time to whisper to me that it was a FABULOUS movie.

The three of us settled down in the theatre for the movie, the sole audience for that showing.

And loved every minute of it.

All of us were familiar with the “Kit books,” and the story of Kit Kittredge, a spunky girl who wants to be a reporter, and whose family’s life unravels during the hardships of the depression. The Kittredges find the inner strength to creatively meet their challenges through ingenuity, sacrifice, hard work and love.

Kit’s life changes, as her father moves in search of work, and as she is forced to devote most of her spare time to chores and helping out her family to survive from day to day. The movie also explores class bias – the negative attitudes against hobos and against kids at school, who are going through hard times are particularly revealing.

This well made movie (Rated G) by Canadian director Patricia Rozema is a gentle sensory experience of what was, several years ago.

And a reminder of the timeless values of honor, hard work, compassion, familial and community love. It showcases the dignity of living within one’s means, and of fulfilling our responsibilities, and of not giving up on our dreams.

As I left the theatre, my only wish was for more people - boys, girls and adults - to see this movie, which is so relevant in today’s world - as we read about and experience rising prices, an uncertain economic future, foreclosures and layoffs.

So if you are looking for a movie to watch, with or without your kids, in the next couple of weeks - Kit Kittredge, portrayed by the talented Abigail Breslin, may be a worthwhile choice – you may find it a couple of hours well spent.

Enjoying the Summer Break from School?

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog
Centre Daily Times, July 7, 2008

It has been more than two weeks since local schools were let off for summer vacations.

The joy evident on most faces, as the kids rushed out on their last day, at my daughter’s elementary school, had a primal quality to it. A joy of rushing into a world of imagined possibilities, a world without the predictable rhythm of school.

I did see a few tears, and also heard a fifth grader tell another that vacations were nothing to cheer about, because there were still seven more years of this thing to go through!

But mostly I saw a unifying atmosphere of happiness, of being let out into something more wonderful than what they were going through.

Fast forward to more than two weeks later, and the pictures vary from family to family.

Some kids are in structured programs, others are not. Some are looking for things to do, while others occupy themselves in different ways. Some are out of town, and others have family and friends visiting.

Some are already bored with their summer break, and others want it to stretch forever…

At my home, the highlights of my ten year old daughter’s summer break so far have been a two day camp she went to, summer band and orchestra, and the house guests we have had – friends and family who have come to stay in the last several days.

She is also looking forward to some future trips, play dates, going to the pool and so on.

She is still cherishing every day of summer break, but I know that there will be the inevitable occasional letdowns of boredom, and the disappointments when real life does not match up with the expectations that summer vacations held when school let out.

Perhaps that is a hidden value of summer vacations – they teach and remind both kids and parents that even much anticipated change is not all good or bad. That everything, even something as “wonderful” as a break from school has its pluses and minuses. And that very often, the changes we seek could end up bringing us a mixed bag of results.

And it is possible that by September, we may get to hear a primal cheer, though perhaps slightly muted, for another new beginning – of all the imagined possibilities of a new school year.

A Perfect Mother's Day Gift?

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog
Centre Daily Times, May 9, 2008

President Woodrow Wilson officially designated the second Sunday in May as a national observance of Mother's Day, in 1914.

And since then, we have found myriad ways to commemorate it - with flowers, gifts, calls, visits, cards, and special gestures, including taking Mom out to dinner. The National Restaurant Association says that Mother’s Day is the second most popular day to dine out, with about 38% of adults heading to a restaurant (the most popular reason is for a birthday celebration)

My daughter looks forward to eating out when we travel, or when we are busy, or when we go out for some other reason. Unlike me, she would probably like to go out for dinner on Mother’s Day.

But I grew up in India, where my family typically did not eat out, unless they had to. And as an adult, I find that I enjoy eating out sometimes, but usually prefer home cooked meals.

For me, there is something special about food cooked by those who know you, made specifically with you in mind. As when made by people (parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, friends) who know your individual tastes and preferences. As a friend of mine said, “It is made with love for you, and that is hard to find elsewhere.”

Perhaps that is why, when I go back to India to visit my parents and other family, I find myself wanting to only eat at home. I enjoy our family time together, both while creating, and partaking of the food.

Taking my mother out to dinner for any celebration would not work, because she considers food prepared at home supreme to all others.

When I call her to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day, she thanks me graciously, but I know that she believes that a mother is to be valued every single day – that every day should be Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day and Grandparents’ Day and Children’s Day and so on).

And she does not care much for things, so gifts of things are ruled out.
What she does care for are relationships, embodied in connections and time spent together.

So a phone call would be a good gift. And perhaps there can be a gift in the content of the conversation.

Perhaps I could share with her that I do finally “get” some of what she said and did when I was growing up.

I can tell her that I am grateful for her persistence at the daily routines of mothering, for always showing up and being there for me.

That I now realize the extent of the hard work she put into sustaining the daily rhythms of our lives.

That I value the nuggets of wisdom she imparted daily, in the midst of ordinary routines, wisdom gleaned from scriptures, stories, common sense and her own experiences.

I can tell her that these nuggets are the founding steps of my evolving philosophy of life.

I can also tell her that she was right, when she told me that I would eventually understand her words and actions, when I have a child of my own. Because I have begun to understand.

As I think of the possible content of my phone call on Mother's Day, I remember the words of a friend’s adult daughter.

She shared with me that she truly valued her parents now. “But don’t tell them, yet,” she whispered with a mischievous smile.

I hope, though, that she has already told them, on some very special day, or better yet, on an ordinary one.

I know her parents would cherish this knowledge of their value to her.

The knowledge that the phase of “rolling her eyes” has changed into an appreciation of them, and of all the rhythms they created, day in and day out, as they wove the matrix of her life and her memories.

Now that I am a mother, I know that if this was the conversation at any mother’s day dinner, it would certainly constitute the perfect gift.

The Influence of the Eight Green Bags

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog
Centre Daily Times, Jan 14, 2008

Each of us influences others. By what we say and do. And also by what we don’t say and don’t do.

Several friends, acquaintances and strangers got back to me regarding my CDT column asking Santa to forgo Gift Wrap , and my Christian Science Monitor essay on Giving Gifts that Leave Only a Memory Behind.

They shared their decisions to forgo wrapping paper, or give a gift of food … but more importantly, they shared with me their ideas and their actions for consuming less.

A neighbor shared with me some of her childhood memories - of how her parents had always left unwrapped gifts for her and her siblings under the tree, and how the kids “somehow” knew which gift was for whom. Her story showed me that forgoing gift wrap was not only a future possibility, but that it was a tested and workable idea from the past in other homes.

A friend shared with me her idea of giving a gift of "a recipe for a favorite food, along with all the ingredients needed to cook it." And presented me with an alternative to my idea of gifting healthy, home cooked meals.

I heard from a few people about traditions of baking special holiday cookies, and delivering them in brown bags.

I also learnt about a mother and daughter, who each keep a basket for the other in their homes, fill them with gifts over time, and then trade the baskets when they get full. No gift wrap needed here – all that is needed is the love to figure out what the other needs.

Fast forward to the first week of the New Year – when I found myself at the grocery store - my cart holding groceries in the six brown bags I had requested instead of plastic bags. I looked up to see another woman, also leaving, her cart filled with eight green cloth bags of groceries.

Suddenly, in the face of her example, I had no excuse for the three tote bags that I had left behind in my car, thinking that I would need more than that for the groceries I needed to buy.

The image of those eight green cloth bags stayed with me; and made me carry my tote bags in during my next trip to the grocery store.

One tiny step….among many that I will hopefully take, in this New Year, thanks to the inspiration of another person using her eight tote bags.

As I described my new “tote bag” ritual to my husband and daughter, I shared with them the hope that the sight of my mismatched, lumpy tote bags would inspire more than laughter in someone else.

Perhaps get them to commit to cloth bags? Or to work to ban plastic bags in Pennsylvania? Or to do something even more momentous?

All within the realm of possibility – considering how unpredictably simple and powerful ideas get transmitted amongst us, sometimes going on to catalyze changes and create new traditions, all because of our power to influence, and our openness to being influenced by each other.

Helping Santa Save the World - One Gift at a Time

Editorial Column by Nalini Krishnankutty, Centre Daily Times, Dec 10, 2007

I am a bit worried about Santa and his elves this year. Not about their ability to deliver gifts on time — they are proven masters at that. But about how much danger they are in, with global warming and all that accelerated melting of ice caps at the North Pole.

In a few years, will Santa still be living at the North Pole?

Surely, Santa must have a handle on that problem. But what if he doesn’t? Should we be sending him some ideas along with our gift lists?

It surely cannot hurt, and Santa may even be thankful for them.

Perhaps Santa could alleviate global warming by fighting consumerism and going cold turkey on gifts, but I don’t think he would be ready to do that. His kind heart would not allow him to disappoint all the kids who expect his arrival every Christmas.

But what about gift wrap? Could Santa perhaps go cold turkey on gift wrap or at least think of some alternatives?

What if I shared with Santa some of the ideas our family has been using over the past few years?

What if I told him about our family’s idea of giving gifts in special bags, which we call journey bags, with a mandate to the receiver to reuse them?

Santa could inscribe a bold “From: Santa, North Pole, To: Jane, Pennsylvania, December 2007” on one corner of the journey bag. And the child could reuse the bag, perhaps for a gift to her grandmother, inscribing “From: Jane, Pennsylvania, To: Grandma, Wisconsin, January 2008.”

And Grandma could send the bag off on further journeys, perhaps to another country, or town. And as the journey bag travels, we would venerate it — for its chronicles of givers and recipients, documenting our interactions in space and time, and our human expressions of celebration, joy and gratitude.

What if I shared with Santa our practice of using white packaging paper to wrap gifts, on which my daughter obligingly draws a scene or pattern? Perhaps Santa and his elves would enjoy drawing on recyclable paper wraps too.

Or maybe they would enjoy reading the comics section of the newspaper while wrapping gifts in them.

What if I told Santa that I recently got my gifts wrapped by the store a few times, because I was buying gifts a half hour before I needed to give them? And I disliked doing it, as I reflected on how our society has traveled so far from the fulfillment of our basic needs that we need to do more and more to make us feel good.

Consider this example: Here were some nice gifts, already in their own packaging, being made more wonderful by the unique wrapping of the store and beautified further with some ribbon and bows.

There was a time, someone told me recently, when people received an orange and an apple as gifts at Christmas — unwrapped — and were happy to get an orange and an apple. Does Santa remember that time?

What would he say if he heard of gift giving in my parents’ generation, in faraway India?

For our New Year (Vishu),in April, my family followed a tradition ofVishukaineetam,literally translated to “extending the hand at Vishu” for giving and receiving gifts.

The oldest person in the house gave gifts to all the younger people and anyone in their employment — gifts of money and fruits to family members and money, fruits, vegetables and rice to employees — all given unadorned and received with thanks.

As a child, I happily received my Vishukaineetam money directly in my hand while calculating my total “loot” for the day.

No envelopes, cards or gift wraps were used, no indulging a need to surprise — saving so many trees and creating less pollution.

But I had traveled far from those traditions, from being so easily satisfied to standing in a store, receiving complimentary gift wrap and yet feeling dissatisfied about the relatively bad job the employee was doing in wrapping the gift.

I wonder if Santa would stop using store-bought gift wrap if I shared all this with him. It is worth a try.

This year, I suggest that our kids tell Santa how they want their gifts packaged.
“Please leave my gifts under the tree in a journey bag,” or “a brown paper bag” or a “tote bag.”

“Please wrap my gifts in the comics pages of the newspaper.”

Or even, “Please lay my gifts under the tree, without any wrapping.”

Our kids would be ready to do this to save our Earth, and Santa would be more than willing to indulge these requests.

He may even be more creative than us and wrap gifts in useful gifts such as towels or scarves for the sake of reducing global warming, saving our forests and his home at the North Pole.

And once Santa takes the lead, there is no doubt that millions would follow him by forgoing gift wrap for all our other gift giving, too.

Now wouldn’t that be a genuine and Santa-sized miracle worthy of all our efforts?

Adults and Kids on a Snowy Afternoon

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog,
Centre Daily Times, Dec 6, 2007

Our first snowstorm of 2007, and I gave myself a few extra minutes as I drove to pick up my daughter from school.

I had to drive slower than usual, as I navigated the already parked cars, the ones pulling out, and the others pulling in.

As I stepped out of the car, and crossed the street, I was only vaguely aware of the beauty of the white, snow covered trees, grass and buildings.

I did sense the refreshing cold air, but my adult mind was a little busy figuring out all that I had to do later in the day – the longer times for each errand, as I had to forgo the back roads which would not be ploughed yet, and other logistics.
But slowly, as I waited for school to be over, the whiteness seemed to spread some calm over me.

And then the kids rushed out, or did they just spill out of the school in their enthusiasm?

They seemed happier than usual, or was it my imagination?

My daughter's first question to me of “Can I go sledding today?” was probably being replicated in other parent child reunions, as the kids dreamed up many other possibilities in the magical, cold snow..

They slowed me down, with their happiness…

And got me to notice the beauty, and the magic of the first snowfall.

They got me to be thankful, that the snow was still arriving, fairly on schedule, even with all that global warming.

And left me cognizant of doing my part in ensuring that it would still arrive next year, and the year after, and for many years to come.

I imagine it is the same with adults everywhere - sometimes, we miss the beauty of the first rains, or of a beautiful summer day, as we consider the practical implications of "weather," on our daily routines.

And it often takes kids to show us other possibilities, and awaken deeper feelings of gratitude, and of course, more responsibility to make it all endure.

The Seven Wonders of Centre County

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog
Centre Daily Times, Oct 10, 2007

I like this idea of the CDT poll to find the Seven Wonders of Centre County.

An interesting exercise, to look at the place we call home, from a fresh and positive perspective. A home, which is so familiar to us, that we may take it for granted. And may not appreciate what it has to offer, amidst a search for novel and exciting things.

I remember a moment from a long time ago, when my husband and I had spent a week in San Francisco - enjoying time with family and friends in San Francisco and Yosemite, and the freedom from our daily grind.

How could our life in State College, with its chores and routines, ever compete with that experience?

But the morning after we got back, a beautiful, peaceful scene of the sun rising above corn fields, with mountains in the distance greeted us.

If we had been visitors in San Francisco, we would have stopped to click some photographs, and savored and enjoyed the moment. But on our way to work, as part of our daily routine, it simply became the backdrop for our life.

When guests visit us in State College, my daughter asks to take them to the Creamery and the Nittany Lion statue, to walk around campus, and to spend some time in front of Old Main – all part of her Seven Wonders. We go to Penn’s Cave, or the Arts Fest – and any other places or experiences that catch the visitors’ fancy. Some like to hike, others prefer a visit to the library, or a stroll downtown.

A couple of years ago, my daughter came up with the idea that we should spend a day in State College, pretending to be visitors. We had a great time that Saturday – it felt like we had discovered a magical, peaceful town, which we had the free time to explore. We visited all her Seven Wonders and more… and enjoyed every minute.

I cherish that day - it reminds me of the beauty in our daily lives and landscapes, if we have the time and attitude to appreciate it.

A sentiment verbalized well by Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore, when he wrote in a poem – that he had travelled all around the world, spending time and money in search of beauty. And finally realized that all the time that he had been wandering the earth, he had missed seeing the splendor that lay just outside his house – the dewdrop glistening on a blade of grass.

Perhaps the seven wonders contest will help us seek and admire our dewdrops and our blades of grass.

Back to School “Must-Haves”

Originally Posted on the Common Threads Blog,
Centre Daily Times, Aug 22, 2007

The end of summer vacations is here.

And it is “Back to School” season…accompanied by marketing efforts announcing the “must-haves” for this new season.

The other day, my daughter showed me a flyer which said “Send your kids back to school in style.”

I could go on and on about my frustration with this…

Yes, children outgrow their clothes – and they need new ones, but do they “need” the latest fashions to be able to learn at school?

Yes, they need a sturdy backpack, but do they “need” the latest kind to carry their stuff?

Yes, they need comfortable shoes, but....

Do they need to wear these “must-haves” – the uniforms dictated by the fashion industry?

Imagine all the consumption, that turns kids into clones of each other, in the name of individuality.

And imagine all the resources spent, in making these items and then transporting them from all parts of the world to us.

Getting ready for “back to school season,” needs a change in mindset, rather than a change in wardrobe.

Would it not suffice, if we got ready for school,
….by mentally getting ready for the structured learning environment?
….by getting used again to early bedtimes and waking up early ?
….by adjusting to learn in the midst of other children ?
….by polishing up attitudes towards classmates and teachers ?
….by learning to manage time to handle the demands of schoolwork and other work ?

These changes are hard enough for many kids, after a long summer vacation, even without having to figure out if their clothes are “cool.”

And I know some kids may be waiting for school in order to wear their “cool” clothes.

But as a society, should we really be encouraging this notion in our kids, that we are only the sum of our material possessions?

Brands, Fashions and Uniforms

Originally Posted in the Common Threads Blog,
Centre Daily Times, August 8, 2007

Preschoolers prefer any food, including carrots, that is wrapped in a McDonald’s wrapper and think that the McDonald wrapped food tastes better than identical food wrapped in plain wrapping – this was the finding of a recent study of children’s food preferences by Stanford University researchers.

The study concluded that marketing and brand names are affecting the reactions of even preschoolers - an interesting commentary on the world we live in today, where marketing efforts on electronic and print media, store displays and word of mouth routes get both adults and kids to desire certain products.

My family is lucky that fast food places do not cater much to us vegetarians – so we only have to deal with the occasional requests our daughter makes for “French fries” and “apple pie.”

But we do get to deal with other desires that are created in all of us for fun or cool things, and often struggle with our “needs” and “wants.”

And all the recent “Back to School” advertising that I have seen makes me long for one aspect of my childhood in India.

I did not have to think about brand names or fashions, because shopping till 10th grade meant ordering two or three sets of uniforms from the neighborhood tailor, buying shoes, socks, raincoat, umbrella and a book bag, text books, pencils, pens and erasers.

What a freedom that uniform afforded – every morning, I joined other children walking to school in their uniforms, all with a collective identity of belonging to a particular school. And no one was defined by what they wore – there was no “cool” or “uncool” kid at school, based on attire.

Many schools across the world require uniforms, and it is a growing trend in the US. And there are parents and teachers on both sides of the issue.

Some believe that having uniforms stifles the expression of individuality, or that they are expensive. Others think that uniforms foster a sense of collective identity, discipline, and that it offers a level playing field with respect to clothes.

But then again, can we require that kids wear uniforms, when so many of us grown ups base our identity on what we wear? And can we ask them to be less brand conscious, when so many of us adults define ourselves by what we own?
Perhaps all this back to school shopping is just a “real” training for the real adult world.

Back to the Basics, for a Few Days at Least

Originally Posted in Common Threads Blog,
Centre Daily Times, March 6, 2009

The past two weeks, my family has been under the weather, taking turns at sore throats, coughs– not enough to put a halt to our lives, but enough to drain us by the evening.

The illnesses forced us to reorganize our lives to a simpler framework – doing the bare minimum we needed, to get through the day. Preparing our food, doing our work, meeting the deadlines we absolutely had to meet. All the other things on our plate were simply weeded out.

No returning emails or phone calls unless they were essential – that simple step freed up a lot of time. No playdates or get togethers. No taking on any new commitments. Simply turning the focus inward on the basics of survival.

Now that we are all doing better, the things we had cast aside are staking a claim in the form of new deadlines, unmet obligations and unfulfilled desires.

We loved the simple life, but continuing it when we are well is proving to be very hard. Most of the things we cut out were activities that connected us to others – and we had felt we were already doing less of it, even when we were well.

I compare my life to those of my parents and grandparents’ generation. My parents communicated with their parents and siblings via letters, and I remember my mother saying “I need to reply to that letter.” Her to do list was certainly as long as mine – only the ease with which others can email or call me means that “I need to reply to …” appears on my to do list more often.

This instant communication means that I am more accessible to others at the click of a button. It also means that all the concerns of one household get transferred to the other instantaneously. My mother worries about our every cold and fever, whereas my grandmother got informed of the illnesses only after the fact –her grandchild had already recovered from the chicken pox by the time the letter reached her.

I am of course oversimplifying matters, and am mostly happy for the increased ease of communication with my family and friends, and even our doctor’s office. After all, it makes others accessible to me at a click of a button too!!

But sometimes, I do not appreciate enough how the new technology of instant communication overextends all of us, as we respond to people from near and far on an instant basis.

Respond to a charitable cause here, a request to volunteer, a social event, a crisis in the family, a request for information, a hello –how are you doing letter.

But I guess as long as we are aware of what we are giving up to accommodate these extra commitments, we can still succeed in keeping our lives fairly simple.